Post by Baka Neko on Sept 23, 2010 0:20:36 GMT -6
Don't mind as I vent about randomness.
So one of my best friends is a guy, I'm one of those types of girls. The one problem that I hate about him is that he never lives up to what he says.
To be fair, it's for a good cause. Work and school are very important, and I understand that completely because I would be in his shoes I'm sure if I was doing as much as he is...
But the one thing he does, is he talks about putting time aside for his friends, wanting to hang out with them more than he does. There are so many times that I've made plans with him, and he's canceled. I'm used to it by now.
No, that's not a good thing. The part that really gets me down is when he builds me up with excitement to hang out, to go do all this fun stuff, only to tell me a couple hours before I see him, or maybe the night before that he worked later than normal and now he has a bunch of school work (that didn't seem to be there before..) or maybe it's just a lot extra homework that he forgot about...
I wish he cared enough to realize what he's doing to me. I go to him for a lot of things, when I'm done and fed up, when I have trouble with other friends, he's the guy that's right there going, "Hey, something's wrong. Who do I have to hurt to make you smile?"
I miss him a lot. and he's only 5 minutes away. Is that wrong?
Why am I even bothering with him anymore? He hurts me so much but then when I get those days where he's free, for the whole day, no drama between him and other friends, no drama between my friends and I...
It's just me and him. Going shopping, playing video games, telling stupid stories, laughing about god knows what. Those are the days that make it worth it.
But it's days like today. The days I find out the night before this amazing day planned with him, that he cancels on me... It's these nights that I find myself getting so frusterated and angry, and sad and just totally confused about if I should smile and nod, and say "Oh no, I totally understand" -- or -- "I wish you understood how much you hurt me when you do this."
He's hard on himself, he's only really emotional around me (and a few others, but very few.), and sometimes he doesn't show any remorse at all. He throws himself into work and school because he doesn't want to deal with the pain he's had to go through in the past.
He's also completely blind to the fact that I would do anything to help. I am always by his side, just standing there, waiting for him to turn to me and just melt down so I can take him in my arms and make him smile, like he always does for me.
It's not fair that he has to deal with everything himself. He never allows anyone in. -- I blame one of his fucking stupid and arrogant girlfriends for that. I blame her with a lot of hatred that it would burn to touch. And that's big to me, because I never dislike anyone, let-alone hate someone. She's messed him up real good, despite his lack of noticing that fact and moving on...
*hits head against her desk mutiple times*
I'm stuck with a guy who I would do anything for, just trying to keep whatever of a friendship we have together - and he doesn't even realize how much I do for him behind the scenes... how much I defend him. How much I respect him. How much I sometimes need him here to make me smile.
he's one of the only friends I've ever tried to keep. By now, I would've said "fuck you, you've never been worth it."
But I am not going to be like all those other stupid friends of his that got fed up and left because he wasn't there. I refuse to lose my trust in him, and one day, when this is all over and he has all the free time in the world. I wanna be the one he calls first because I never left. I never swayed, I never argued, I allowed him his space, I was there for him no matter what, and I never doubted him for an instant...
I just hope that one day...
He'll make all my stupidity and effort worth it.
So one of my best friends is a guy, I'm one of those types of girls. The one problem that I hate about him is that he never lives up to what he says.
To be fair, it's for a good cause. Work and school are very important, and I understand that completely because I would be in his shoes I'm sure if I was doing as much as he is...
But the one thing he does, is he talks about putting time aside for his friends, wanting to hang out with them more than he does. There are so many times that I've made plans with him, and he's canceled. I'm used to it by now.
No, that's not a good thing. The part that really gets me down is when he builds me up with excitement to hang out, to go do all this fun stuff, only to tell me a couple hours before I see him, or maybe the night before that he worked later than normal and now he has a bunch of school work (that didn't seem to be there before..) or maybe it's just a lot extra homework that he forgot about...
I wish he cared enough to realize what he's doing to me. I go to him for a lot of things, when I'm done and fed up, when I have trouble with other friends, he's the guy that's right there going, "Hey, something's wrong. Who do I have to hurt to make you smile?"
I miss him a lot. and he's only 5 minutes away. Is that wrong?
Why am I even bothering with him anymore? He hurts me so much but then when I get those days where he's free, for the whole day, no drama between him and other friends, no drama between my friends and I...
It's just me and him. Going shopping, playing video games, telling stupid stories, laughing about god knows what. Those are the days that make it worth it.
But it's days like today. The days I find out the night before this amazing day planned with him, that he cancels on me... It's these nights that I find myself getting so frusterated and angry, and sad and just totally confused about if I should smile and nod, and say "Oh no, I totally understand" -- or -- "I wish you understood how much you hurt me when you do this."
He's hard on himself, he's only really emotional around me (and a few others, but very few.), and sometimes he doesn't show any remorse at all. He throws himself into work and school because he doesn't want to deal with the pain he's had to go through in the past.
He's also completely blind to the fact that I would do anything to help. I am always by his side, just standing there, waiting for him to turn to me and just melt down so I can take him in my arms and make him smile, like he always does for me.
It's not fair that he has to deal with everything himself. He never allows anyone in. -- I blame one of his fucking stupid and arrogant girlfriends for that. I blame her with a lot of hatred that it would burn to touch. And that's big to me, because I never dislike anyone, let-alone hate someone. She's messed him up real good, despite his lack of noticing that fact and moving on...
*hits head against her desk mutiple times*
I'm stuck with a guy who I would do anything for, just trying to keep whatever of a friendship we have together - and he doesn't even realize how much I do for him behind the scenes... how much I defend him. How much I respect him. How much I sometimes need him here to make me smile.
he's one of the only friends I've ever tried to keep. By now, I would've said "fuck you, you've never been worth it."
But I am not going to be like all those other stupid friends of his that got fed up and left because he wasn't there. I refuse to lose my trust in him, and one day, when this is all over and he has all the free time in the world. I wanna be the one he calls first because I never left. I never swayed, I never argued, I allowed him his space, I was there for him no matter what, and I never doubted him for an instant...
I just hope that one day...
He'll make all my stupidity and effort worth it.