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Post by Plumeriasmoon on Aug 8, 2011 0:23:08 GMT -6
Unger, I'm so sorry that the panel went so badly for you. The people who bailed on you should be beaten with stale loaves of french bread. It took a lot of work on your part and that was horribly disrespectful of all your effort and your feelings. I hope the next time you do something like that it goes better for you.
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Post by AllyKatt on Aug 8, 2011 10:20:27 GMT -6
i don't have anything to vent about today, i just wanted to offer *hugs* all around, and show off my new sig. because he makes me giggle.
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kidsis
Fan
(Ishouldbea) Rock Goddess
Posts: 19
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Post by kidsis on Aug 9, 2011 14:09:29 GMT -6
I seem to be having a "less than" day today; I feel less than good, less than desirable, less than loveable, less than noticeable, less than worthy of attention, less than able to function, etc.
I'll be glad when GlitchCon is over so that I can go to a doctor to go back on medication. I'd go before, but I don't want to worry about learning how to function when I won't be on my normal schedule.
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Post by athena167 on Aug 10, 2011 0:18:16 GMT -6
anytime there is a hint of possible karma coming back on my father in law i get excited, this man, after all, ruined my life......but i have come to the determination that i am headed in a bad direction, because i always get excited that karma will kick his ass (what a concept) and in the 11th hour something saves him, leaving me bitter and desperate.......well, this is the mother load.....he has been having an affair and after much discussion and his wife saying she is leaving, her leaving and moving up to alaska with her family was pushed back due to her lawsuit against a former employer and now she moved in with her whore of a daughter who will do anything to make sure the divorce doesnt happen after my husband and i backed her up and put so much wasted energy into the problem........
yeah, so i am headed quickly for the "dont even bother, nothing will ever happen, karma doesnt exist, and neither does justice and revenge" way.......i am sitting here telling myself the divorce isnt happening because its all i can do to prepare myself for what will happen, there is no more hope and there is no more optimism.......just bitter acceptance to the realization that this man destroyed my life and nothing will ever happen to him.......he will never have to answer for his abundance in poor behavior and i will continue to lose hope..........
so the fact of the matter is, i am done getting so passionate in backing up and defending people only for it to not matter, if my mother in law wants to stay with him and live a fucked up rest of her life then so be it, she can, and i will cut her off like a tumor so when her life goes shit-house again, she cant come to us because she should have listened to the people who really care about her.....her daughter only cares about herself..........i wont let her bad decision effect our lives anymore than it already has.........
by now one would think that i would be used to my father in law being saved in the 11th hour, but of course not, i am always so eager to see him go down in flames that i get excited and it is always too soon, maybe the day that i stop caring will be the day that i see it......i am becoming so cynical and pessimistic, so negative about how things will turn out, but how cant i? never once has he had atone for the things he did to me......and he never will either.......so how do i teach myself to not care about justice, karma, and revenge?
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Post by athena167 on Aug 11, 2011 12:53:02 GMT -6
oh there is a lovely little update.......the very "Christian" family of my idiot mother in law is preaching to me about grace and judgement, calling me out of line and immature when i made phone calls to try to help my mother in law instead of respecting her wishes and keeping my mouth shut like she asked.......the reason i did it is because i KNEW she wouldnt go to anyone.......so basically even if he was beating her, i would be raked over the coals for putting my nose where it does not belong and i was basically called down by self righteous bible thumpers who think that because im angry that i dont go to church and need to be informed about proverbs and shit, because i was spreading hate and discontent.........
these "christians" are ignoring the sin of ADULTERY and pointing their fingers at me for my personality flaws instead of placing the blame where it belongs. Now i am to blame for all of the drama (nevermind that there was no drama before we found out about the other woman) instead of what Ted was doing.......i have once again, been judged by a family who preaches against judgement and made an enemy of my husband pitiful excuse for a family when all i tried to do was help rally some allies and my husband once again had to walk away from his hateful family. I havent been sleeping, the one night i get some sleep, my father in law wakes me up at 5:30 with nasty texts......im not sleeping, im angry, i have constant headaches and i havent been eating as well either, i had an emotional breakdown and almost checked myself into a hospital yesterday to get away from it.........
the sad things is that no matter what i do, whether i think they are good intentions or not, no matter what i do, i will be vilified....even when someone else does them and get praise, if i do it, because it is me, i will be hated for it.......i am being blamed for this drama and their marriage being on the rocks......uh....he cheated on her......but these "christians" are supporting him like he didnt do anything wrong, hell HE doesnt even think he did anything wrong........nope, he never does anything wrong......its always Leslie that is wrong........because we cant blame ourselves.........
i really dont need this shit in my life let alone during my pregnancy.......
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Post by Plumeriasmoon on Sept 12, 2011 7:13:07 GMT -6
This is a vent created from rage, anger and heartbreak. So please forgive the incorrect spelling if words as my vision is a little blurry...........
On August 24th, my sister went in to have surgery to repair an aneurysm and had a massive stroke. She is recovering, but is paralyzed on the left side of her body and hasn't been able to swallow so is fed through a tube in her stomach.
Two days after the stroke, the hospital ran a drug panel which my sister failed. She tested positive for a massive amount of cocaine and benzodiazepine tranquilizers ( you may better know them as Xanax or Ativan). This was how I found out she was still using.
I also came to find out that she had spent 1700 dollars on drugs in the month of August. That was our rent money. I took everything I had to save a place to live a just a little bit longer because there is still back rent due and the lease ends in two weeks. Oh, and she also sold her car.
The most heart-breaking part of this is that after raising Cody, A mber and Angel for 16 1/2 years, I had to give the girls to a trusted neighbor who now has guardianship of them and yesterday Cody moved in with his father. The house is so empty and feels so dead, I can't bear to be there anymore. They have had to pay the ultimate price for my sister's selfishness and stupidity. I also have to send her father to live his sister after living with and taking care of him for so long.
In short, she destroyed our entire family because all that bitch could do was think of herself. She likes to think she's like our mother when in all reality, she could never hope to come close. If a man didn't come first, drugs did. I spent the past 16 years never allowing anything but the kids to come first. They were my whole life. I got them up for school every morning, put them to bed every night, cooked for them, cleaned for them, helped them with their home work, worried over them, nursed them when they were sick, took them to doctors appointments so often the doctor thought I was their mother, I took them in when they had to have surgery. Why couldn't she? Why couldn't she put them first? Wht couldn't she be the mother they deserved?
They are amazing kids. Smart, strong, loving, kind, open minded, honest, loyal, sweet. They were gifts from heaven to her and she threw threw them away. They are wonderful and deserve so much better than they were given.
I'm now alone in a very empty house. I'm leaving in October to move to Colorado. I just can't bear to stay.
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Post by Kyashi on Sept 20, 2011 17:43:30 GMT -6
Hi, Plume!
I was wondering what was going on in your life that made you want to move. Wouldn't you not be able to see your nieces and nephews anymore? I'm sorry to hear about your sister and her drug habit. If she's an addict, then that explains why the drugs come before the kids. I'm more concerned about her stroke. Is she never going to regain the use of the left side of her body?
I hope everything works out for you. It's got to be hard to be just like a mom and suddenly lose all of your kids in one fell swoop. Whatever you decide to do, God bless...
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Post by Plumeriasmoon on Sept 22, 2011 9:04:49 GMT -6
Hi Kyashi. I don't know if she'll ever be able to use the left side of her body again. I'm able to see the kids every once in a while, but I've been kinda removed from their lives by Child Protective Services so that they can adjust to their new living arrangements.
It isn't just the drugs. She put men first,too. I just found out she robbed her son of his money that he was supposed to recieve when he turned 18. She cleaned out everything and left him with nothing. I also found out that she took the rent money for December and spent on drugs for her boyfriend and herself. She was going to let her children be homeless for Christmas. She decided to take the rent money and disappear on my niece's fourth birthday. She also was nowhere to be found when on my niece Amber's ninth birthday.
I can't even bring myself to look at a picture of her anymore. I never want to see or speak to her again. She destroyed everything.
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Post by Kyashi on Sept 23, 2011 0:06:37 GMT -6
That's just terrible, Plume. Your sister needs to get her priorities straight. She's making her family her enemies at this point. I hope you and the children will be alright. Sounds like it...
Maybe you don't want to answer this question in a place that's a bit public, but why have you decided to move to Colorado?
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Post by Plumeriasmoon on Sept 25, 2011 12:53:56 GMT -6
I don't mind sharing the reason why. My nephew and his wife live there and offered for me to come stay with them. And I have always wanted to move out that way. Also, I don't really have anywhere else to go.
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kidsis
Fan
(Ishouldbea) Rock Goddess
Posts: 19
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Post by kidsis on Sept 26, 2011 23:12:41 GMT -6
I'm just staring to realized that when it feels like my heart is breaking yet again I'm actually just feeling the pain of the same heartbreak over and over again. It's torture and death seems like it would be better than being tortured for however much longer I have to go. I DO NOT WANT TO KILL MYSELF; I know what kind of hole that leaves (which is part of my problem, I think; it feels like I'm suffering the consequences of the death of someone I never got to meet). I just feel like I don't have what it takes to fight to stay alive right now. Nothing is wrong with me and, again, I'm not going to kill myself. I just am tired of being alone.
Every time I see a couple kissing or holding hands, it hurts me because I'm jealous. I'm starting to feel like I'm never going to get the chance to experience those things. I'm a very tactile (touchy-feely) person and I don't even get the basic amount of touching I need to survive; I'll go days before I get to touch another human being. I have to live without touching others, though; my natural affinity for affection seems to make others (especially guys) either uncomfortable or it gets misread as some sort of sexual attraction. I've had too many people misread my intentions and react negatively in a very public manner.
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Post by Kyashi on Sept 27, 2011 2:07:49 GMT -6
kidsis - Hey, you're a new friend I need to have! I'm an old member coming back after being gone for a long time, so I know everyone regular here, except you. Nice to meet you! This venting thread is cool, isn't it? I've got my own ventings... My brother wanted me to move from CA to AZ, where he lives, so I could work for him part-time, but I'd have to, again, live under someone else's roof. I already do that--under my parents' roof and I'd prefer to be under theirs than my sister's. I wouldn't mind living on my own--I'd like that, but that's not going to be possible working part time. So, I had to decline his offer. I hate disappointing my big brother because I feel like that's all I've ever done. I wish I could be more like him, but I'm just not. Or, maybe he wishes I could be more like him. Something like that. I'm not really wanting to be like anybody else, actually. I need to change, that's for sure, I'm not perfect, but I don't want to be like someone else. I just want to be the best me I can be. Sometimes I feel like he just doesn't get that. But, I'm glad I have a cool big brother. He cares, and that's what matters, even if it's hard for him to accept people who defy his own logic, lol...
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kidsis
Fan
(Ishouldbea) Rock Goddess
Posts: 19
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Post by kidsis on Nov 8, 2011 14:26:48 GMT -6
I have an opportunity to make some changes at my job but now I have to do the thing that I dread; I have to go talk to my manager face-to-face (really, I don't HAVE to ask face-to face; but I feel like I should ask before I send an email)....
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Post by athena167 on Dec 28, 2011 1:15:16 GMT -6
i had a crappy christmas........
my apologies for the very long rant.....
i worked my ass off for Christmas......and i mean worked my ass off while 8 1/2 months pregnant.....which is a whole different deal.....not only was it the stress of the holiday but also the stress of potential complications in pregnancy (i will explain if you REALLY want to know, it turned out to be nothing) and utter exhaustion....... i spent Christmas weekend with my mother in law who was quiet and a little bit antisocial this weekend due to the fact that for some reason she actually misses her husband who has a fetish for 15 year old girls (that would be a bit of a deal breaker for me....but for some reason, she misses the piece of shit), who spent after Christmas dinner regularly checking football scores and answering text messages while trying to play a card game.......our other guest spent the entire evening, including Christmas dinner and the card game, answering text minutes every 2 minutes on his phone as well, we also had to wait 5 minutes at the table while dinner was getting cold so he could find a place where he could pause the video game he was playing........my husband and i are the only ones who seemed to be able to walk away from technology for the evening........i guess i am the only person in the world who is a traditionalist when it comes to Christmas, i mean, can people seriously NOT walk away from their damn cell phones for an hour? I sent two texts during the card game.......i understand contacting your friends during Christmas but when you are a guest at someone else's for dinner dont spend the ENTIRE time on the phone with someone else....it is very rude....make your "Merry Christmas." phone calls to family and friends before you arrive so your not being an ass......
The entire weekend my mother in law undermined our parenting by not putting our daughter in time out and instead by saying "Now, you cant hit people, it isnt nice." and now we have a daughter who last week was an angel who was pretty well disciplined, to the spawn of Lucifer who is now headbutting me in the stomach (which is a problem considering i am way pregnant) and hitting us, throwing tantrums, chewing on her bed posts and refusing to do story time.....and its no small wonder that my sister in law is a bitch who takes everyone for granted and treats her mother like shit.......because she got away with everything.......i am amazed by how quickly it ruined our daughter's behavior. And now we have to re-discipline her, which is not really a problem....it pisses me off that she thinks that after how her daughter turned out that it is a successful way to raise a strong willed and manipulative child but whatever helps her sleep at night.........you give my daughter an inch and she takes a mile.....and she did, and now we are trying to take it all back........and the worst of it is that she is coming back in February for 8 days.......yep....you guessed it, i am due in february and she is hoping to be there to help us out after the new baby is born.......ask me if i am going to want to have to re-raise my daughter after her grandmother ruins her again in february....especially when i have a newborn to try and handle as well.......
My daughter got a bunch of peg puzzles for Christmas, and instead of letting my girl figure it out on her own, when she started to get frustrated, she would do the puzzle for her.....the moment she started to fuss for attention and throw a tantrum, she was picking her up and tried to comfort her.....she does not understand that my daughter does this shit for attention and to get what she wants.....and of course, she gave it......she was gone for less than 12 hours and my daughter figured out the puzzles.....imagine that....because my mother in law wasnt doing them for her to "show her" how to do it.......my daughter is smarter than me....she can figure it out for herself, and she did, which is why she got away with murder...."oh yay, someone i can manipulate!"
my only saving grace in all of this is that my husband agrees that her parenting style will not work on my daughter.....mainly because he saw how badly it failed with his sister, we agree completely on parenting styles for our daughter, and we agree because we saw what worked and what didnt........
so next year will be either spent with my family who i know will be happy to see us and respect our hard work......or it will be just the 4 of us and no one else.......not running the risk of being treated like my hard work is expected and taken for granted.......
my apologies to all my DeviantArt pals out there who, if they are reading my journals, are reading this a second time.....i just feel the need to vent and i cant do it on facebook......
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